What it's like to have a skin-picking disorder LAUREN MCKEANEY: "You'll see different variations, different colorings because it's a myriad of scars. It's been going on for years upon years. I actually don't grow hair in most places because I've picked them so bad." NARRATOR: Lauren McKeaney has picked her skin since she was little and for a long time didn't know why. LAUREN: "Like up down my arms is pretty common, always in here here." NARRATOR: Eventually, she finally got an answer: Dermatillomania. Also known as chronic skin picking, it's a mental illness that's related to obsessive-compulsive disorder. LAUREN: "In Dermatillomania, or skin picking disorder, the goal is accomplishment. When you feel that foreign, perceived imperfection that shouldn't be there. The goal is to eliminate it. When I've had an urge, when I've had an area that's been bothering me and I know that if I head home, there's a hallway mirror on my left side. And I know if I had moved it before I left, I'll still turn to the left when I walk in my door to check on that. It still blows me away that my body will still remember to do these things as part of just the way that I exist. If you give in to the urge, or if the urge, you know, it's not something that you can avoid. And you you are sucked in to an episode. There's definitely a dissociation. There's definitely a zoning out aspect." NARRATOR: As many as 5% of people chronically pick their skin to the point it's noticeable. And even though obsessive skin picking appears in medical literature from as far back as the 19th century, Dermatillomania isn't well-known yet in the medical community. Part of that is because it wasn't added to the manual of mental disorders until 2013. LAUREN: "It's stigmatized as a mental illness, sure. But it's stigmatized in a stigmatized community. When you have Dermatillomania, this isn't like you maybe flicked off a scab or popped a zit or picked off a cuticle, it's something that affects your social life, your your dating life, your career." NARRATOR: Skin picking was something so consuming that McKeaney nearly lost her leg. LAUREN: "The abscess that I had on my thigh got severely infected, and I contracted MRSA, which is a life taking bacteria, and I ended up having eight inches of my thigh cut out, a vacuum put into my thigh that I wore like a purse 24/7, I was in a wheelchair, then a walker, then physical therapy. Even though not all Dermatillomania cases can be as severe, I want people to know that story to know, to not be ashamed if they have something that's infected, that they are afraid to go get checked out." NARRATOR: That infection helped her find an official diagnosis. Now she's embracing her Dermatillomania and started a non profit. LAUREN: "I like to think that I am thriving, intelligent, awesome woman. And but when you're in that episode, and you're stuck and sucked in, there's no worse feeling of defeat. And I think even I had in running this nonprofit and trying to change the experience for other people who suffer with this that's been one of my biggest hurdles to get over is that I am still allowed to help others even though I'm still struggling with it." NARRATOR: Picking Me Foundation is the only nonprofit in the world like it. LAUREN: "I say, see it as a form of self love. And I think it's because I, after spending two decades doing everything to make you not look too close or not asked too many questions. I really hampered and forwarded any self growth. And so even though I'm totally consumed by the disorder, and in more in the helping way now, and and managing way now, what it's allowed me to do is meet myself as this advocate." NARRATOR: The organization holds a variety of programs, including art therapy and social media campaigns. She's also teaching dermatologists about the disorder. Dermatillomania doesn't have a cure, but there are ways to help manage it. LAUREN: "So certain things like the popper. Some of the small ones I carry in my pocket, lines at a grocery store, somewhere where you're setting yourself up. I may feel too up, too low, what can I do to get my fingers off my body. But it also makes me feel like I'm doing something for this I'm doing something active and proactive for it, not just waiting to be cured." NARRATOR: McKeaney's message is one that goes beyond her own disorder one for all skins. LAUREN: "If you look at an aisle about like a beauty aisle or a soap self care, I'll check out how many bottles specifically targeted towards women creams, lotions, concealers, face, wipes, etc. say for clear skin or to clear your skin. There's this idea that this porcelain, canvas is what we should be after and what is most acceptable and that's affected my journey with my skin and my identity from you know from middle school and making sure that I had at least nine different concealers always in an area around me just in case something happened. I could quickly cover it up and make this skin clear again. So that you know it was easier for people to handle looking at me, I guess. But now it's embracing the dots, embracing that my skin is my skin."